Child Abuse, domestic violence

I loved you anyways…

When I was little,  all I wanted was love and affection

From my family…from you…

I wanted you to play and laugh with me and read me stories

And though I never got that, I loved you anyways

 

You told me you didn’t want me because I was a girl

You already had a son but you wanted SO BADLY for me to be a boy

You left me on the street corner hoping someone would take me

But no matter what…I loved you anyways

 

You held me at the top of the stairs and told me you would drop me

You left me with scars; physical, mental and emotional

You traumatized me more than you ever realized

And still…somehow…I managed to love you anyways

 

You never told me you were proud of me

Nothing I ever did was good enough

You could never even mutter the words ‘I love you’

But I continued to love you anyways

 

You told me that I wasn’t really part of the family

Because one day, I would change my last name

So you made me feel like I did not belong

And yet…I loved you anyways

 

I called you to tell you I was engaged

You could not even be happy for me

“Have a nice life and tell your kids that their grandparents are dead”

I could no longer love you

 

Now you are getting older but definitely not wiser

You are missing out on the beautiful evolution of life

The simple pleasures of watching your kid’s kid grow up

You don’t deserve to experience the joyful bliss and happiness he brings

 

But I am not you

I would never take things away from you

Or say such hurtful words

And so…love lingers

 

——

Writing these blogs continuously help me to heal.  This one specifically moved me to tears and I let the emotion attached to these words release.  It’s a pretty powerful and liberating feeling.

If you are holding on to something from the past, you should try to find a peaceful way to let go and leave it all out there…where it belongs.  Out with the old and in with the new! Don’t look back!

So tell me…what outlet do you use to move on from the hurt?

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