All Posts By

Essie Doyle

Daily Reminders, Inspiration

Daily Reminders to Myself

We lose touch so easily.  There’s always so much going on.  That one conversation, text, email, intent to hang out…gets pushed further and further back.  Priorities get shifted and the span between you and your friend, has now become quite a distance.  Maintaining our relationships takes a lot of effort but it’s worthwhile.  Don’t let your relationships fade.  That bond is hard to get back.

We lose track of time so easily.  One day turns into weeks that turns into a couple of months and suddenly…a year has gone by.  Time flies!  We all know that.  Our time is extremely valuable.  So we must make the most of it.  Carpe Diem right?  Don’t let the lack of time be your excuse.  Make the time!

We lose opportunities so easily.  There are open doors all around us.  Everywhere.  It’s not just when one door closes, another door opens.  Our short-sightedness doesn’t allow us to see all the open doors and golden opportunities.  So take a look around.  Push a little harder on that door…maybe it’s ajar…it could just be a stubborn door.  Don’t lose sight of the present.  That life-changing opportunity might be right in front of you.

We lose too much too easily.  On a day to day basis.  And we lose a part of ourselves during the process.  Not everyday is a good day but as long as you’re having more good days than bad, you are doing okay.  If you aren’t there yet, no worries…you will get there when the time is right.  Don’t let your current circumstance define what your future holds.  It’s just a phase.  Hold on and be strong.  It can last a long time but it’s something that, once you rise above it, will fuel you for the rest of your life.

These are words I always have to remind myself of.  Daily.  I need to make the effort to nurture my relationships.  I need to make the time.  I need to stay in the present moment.  I remind myself that circumstances do change.  If I didn’t go through my own rough period, my life would not be the same.  That empowerment came from rising from my struggles.  I am grateful for this life.  Everyday.

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This post is dedicated to my old friend Chris.  He had a contagious smile and a good heart.  His authenticity will forever stay in my heart.  You will be missed and never forgotten.  R.I.P Chris

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  -Maya Angelou

R.I.P Maya Angelou

 

photo credit: By Dustin Scarpitti

Child Abuse, domestic violence

I loved you anyways…

When I was little,  all I wanted was love and affection

From my family…from you…

I wanted you to play and laugh with me and read me stories

And though I never got that, I loved you anyways

 

You told me you didn’t want me because I was a girl

You already had a son but you wanted SO BADLY for me to be a boy

You left me on the street corner hoping someone would take me

But no matter what…I loved you anyways

 

You held me at the top of the stairs and told me you would drop me

You left me with scars; physical, mental and emotional

You traumatized me more than you ever realized

And still…somehow…I managed to love you anyways

 

You never told me you were proud of me

Nothing I ever did was good enough

You could never even mutter the words ‘I love you’

But I continued to love you anyways

 

You told me that I wasn’t really part of the family

Because one day, I would change my last name

So you made me feel like I did not belong

And yet…I loved you anyways

 

I called you to tell you I was engaged

You could not even be happy for me

“Have a nice life and tell your kids that their grandparents are dead”

I could no longer love you

 

Now you are getting older but definitely not wiser

You are missing out on the beautiful evolution of life

The simple pleasures of watching your kid’s kid grow up

You don’t deserve to experience the joyful bliss and happiness he brings

 

But I am not you

I would never take things away from you

Or say such hurtful words

And so…love lingers

 

——

Writing these blogs continuously help me to heal.  This one specifically moved me to tears and I let the emotion attached to these words release.  It’s a pretty powerful and liberating feeling.

If you are holding on to something from the past, you should try to find a peaceful way to let go and leave it all out there…where it belongs.  Out with the old and in with the new! Don’t look back!

So tell me…what outlet do you use to move on from the hurt?

Child Abuse

Lost Voices

Did you know that in the U.S. alone, 3 million+ incidences of child abuse are reported involving 6 million or more children? This breaks my heart…because this statistic is based solely on those incidences that have been reported. Imagine all the children affected by abuse whose voices have not been heard…scared and scarred…beaten and defeated…feeling lost and alone.

 

We learn at a young age that when there is a bad guy, you call the cops. We learn that these bad guys will get in trouble by the authorities. But what do you do when the bad guy is your own father? Your own flesh and blood? You think in your head, I can’t betray my own family. Or at least that’s what I thought.

It’s never easy for a child to open up about something that he or she knows is innately wrong. More often than not, their abuser is a family member, a loved one…someone that is closest to their heart…someone that they trust. We want the abuse to stop but we don’t want our loved one to get in trouble. I can vividly remember when I had to make decisions that a child should never have to make.

My parents fought quite often (every hour every day) and they would scream and taunt each other. It was a twisted, volatile relationship. It always ended badly…with my mom getting beaten and left with not only physical, but emotional scars. Even at a young age, my brother and I always tried to get in the middle and stop the fights. My mom always threatened to call the cops and went as far as picking up the phone…but that’s where it ended. She never followed through. Eventually, my dad knew that they were always empty threats…the boy who cried wolf. I would always think, What the heck are you waiting for? Call 911 already! You can’t call them when you’re dead! Save us! My dad knew she would never do anything. But I always wished that she had.

One day, I got into a fight with my mom and she told my dad to punish me. He started to hit me and then she yelled, “Wait!” I remember thinking, Oh good! She feels bad and is gonna save me for once (from her own doing)! But then she said, “Take off your glasses and give them to me.” She didn’t want to protect me…she just didn’t want to have to buy me new glasses. 🙁 My heart sank and that moment has been forever singed into my memory.

I was 16 then and it was the first time I had a visible sign of abuse…a black eye. All the other times it was well hidden, but this time his temper made him careless.

Being 16, I had a job and had to call out sick. Eventually after a few days, my employer said I had to come in no matter what. I couldn’t keep up the lies. I showed up to work and my Assistant Manager, whom I babysat for and whose husband was an FBI agent, said she had to tell her husband. I begged her not to. But shortly thereafter, I got a call from him. He gave me an ultimatum. I either had to go to the police or he would.

At that stage of my life , I should have been making decisions like what outfit to wear or which boy to crush on. I hated that I was put in this position. I hated that I had to run away from home. I hated that my dad, whom I loved, could hurt me this way. I was not a vengeful person and had no intention of hurting him back, but I thought it would be worse if a third party reported it so I went into the police station.

Child abuse is a serious matter so I took it very seriously. It was not something to lie about or exaggerate because there were irreversible consequences that came along with one’s actions. I thought I was being courageous and finally doing what my mom could never do. There I was, telling the authorities what had happened and secretly hoping that they could save me…yelling inside SAVE ME!

The follow-up question was: Has your dad ever hit anyone else? I verbalized what I was thinking in my head: yes, he used to hit my brother but he has moved out. But he beats my mom almost every day. The officer asked for her number and was going to contact her to corroborate my story. For a moment, I thought she would be proud of me for trying to save us.

The officer came back out and said he had spoken to my mother. “Esther, your mom said that your father has never hit her nor anyone else and that this was a first.” I looked at the officer, the officer who now thought I was a liar, as tears rolled down my eyes. All I felt in that moment was betrayal. It was a sinking feeling deep down in my gut. I had opened the door for my mom and given her an out…I had done something that she should have done 10 years ago…I was the child making grown-up decisions… All hope had vanished and my heart dropped. How could she do this? Now, no one will EVER believe me.

The authorities also took this matter very seriously so they called a meeting with my father and I. Prior to the meeting, my dad had expressed how I had become a traitor to the family and all of our relatives thought that as well. I was a teen and easily manipulated. The pressure was too much. So we went into the meeting and I expressed that it was a one-time event. I let the opportunity slip right past me and that is NOT something I am proud of.

So here I am today, as a voice for the children who are unable to speak out. For those who are scared, manipulated, or threatened. For those who have been harmed and seek refuge. For those who are downtrodden and unable to find their voice…this is for you.

 

ca-logo-150x150

April is Child Abuse Awareness month but we should keep it in mind year around. If you witness or sense something is wrong with a child, please do not turn a blind eye. Please take a moment to ask questions and make yourself available to the children you love. Even if you have to ask them repeatedly in order to get it out of them. You might save a child’s life.

P.S. For those parents who have stopped in their tracks reading this article and thought to themselves… OMG! Did I abuse my child by disciplining them? Rest assured that I’m not referring to those who give their child a smack on the toosh and feel guilty afterwards. I’m referring to the cowards who take it out on their innocent children day in and day out.

empowerment, Inspiration

My Journey Continues…

It’s been such a long time since I’ve written.  But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about ways of using my blog to help others.  The last couple of months of my pregnancy had made it difficult for me to find time to sit down and write…or do much of anything to be quite honest.  (Just as the first trimester did, the third trimester wiped me out!)  Then I had my beautiful baby boy…so there was absolutely no free time, as I wanted to bond with this amazing bundle of joy.

Now that I am back to work and getting into more of a normal routine, I want to put pen to paper and continue what I set out to do.  In fact, I had what was undoubtedly a big sign, that my journey of helping others was not yet over.

I had taken 3 months of maternity leave upon having Baby Brandon.  Since I was returning to work the following week, my husband and I wanted to go out to lunch with our son for a “last horrah” before I had to be away from Brandon for most of the day.  If you’re a parent or a pet owner, you know how difficult it is to be away from your loved one for so long.  I commute to work between 3-4 hours a day roundtrip (due to LA traffic) so I would be gone from 7am to 7:30pm.  🙁

While I was waiting inside the restaurant to be seated, I noticed a young lady who walked in to give her name to the hostess. There was nothing about her that set her apart from the others in the crowd, but I could read it in her face.  There was some sort of aura that connected with me and seemed familiar.  But she didn’t look familiar so I dismissed it because I thought maybe I was crazy with all these pregnancy-related emotions.

Well the wait at this restaurant was too long so we decided to try a different place.  My husband went to the car to get the stroller and I waited outside briefly.

You know when you’re in a public place and you’re so close to the person next to you that you can’t avoid overhearing what they are talking about?  I was trying not to eavesdrop in on the conversation going on next to me but I could hear everything whether I wanted to or not.

Two female voices were speaking and one of the girls was telling the other about how difficult it was to wake up every morning…to want to do anything…how hard it was to even roll out of bed and be there, at a restaurant that day…that she was still depressed and not ok.  She was stuck feeling this lethargic feeling and she couldn’t pull herself out of it…that nothing anyone did could help her…

As my husband brought the stroller and we loaded up Brandon, I looked up at the girls and realized that it was the familiarly unfamiliar young lady who was having this conversation.  I had chills…it was a sign…definitely not coincidence.  I was meant to hear that conversation.

I wanted to talk to her and tell her I knew her pain and I had been there…I wanted to hear her story and see if there was something she wanted to ask to someone who had been through some “wreckage” and now led a complete 180 lifestyle…a life in which happily ever after did exist.  I wanted to tell her it would be ok, that it was temporary and that she was stronger than she thought…that her journey had just begun.  But I didn’t want to be that creepy person.  It was not my place to chime in.

And so my journey continues…I have a lot going on in my life.  But so do millions of others.  That incident was a moment of clarity for me.  It revitalized my drive to continue my blog in pursuit of helping others find their happily ever after.  It’s not enough for me to be happy.  I want this for everyone because if they felt as empowered, whole, and truly happy as I do, I believe the world would be a better place.  My mission has a purpose and  if sharing my experiences and thoughts might help at least one individual who has lost their way, then I know I have put my best out there.

I want to be able to answer any questions or give insight to those who truly are struggling.  So tell me…what’s on your mind?  How can I help YOU?  Questions?  Concerns?   Please comment here or email me directly at nvokechangenow (at) gmail (dot) com.

Forgiveness

Taking Baby Steps

I did it.  I didn’t want to.  I didn’t feel ready.  But I did it.

I finally met with my mom after over 5 years of not seeing her.  Needless to say, it has been a very emotional couple of weeks.

Of course I was nervous, anxious, and scared.  I had spent the last few years dealing with a lot of issues, coming to terms with things, and rebuilding my life.  I was finally in a positive and happy state-of-mind which I had worked so hard at.  Was I really willing to jeopardize all of it and possibly let back in the negative aspects of my former life…one of the main reasons behind why I was scarred and broken?

I kept asking myself if I was insane.  Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  Was I crazy to even think about extending my hand out, yet again, to someone who has hurt me time and time again?  What made me think that things would be different this time around and that all of a sudden, she would come around and be a loving, kind mother?  All of it made me uncomfortable and vulnerable.

What I realized was that the thought of meeting with her or speaking with her would always make me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.  But at some point, I was going to have to speak with her.  I couldn’t deny her forever.  Well, I could but then I wouldn’t be able to live with myself because that’s just how I am.  No, she probably didn’t change much with old age but I had to give it a try and go at it with optimism just so I would know that I tried.  Alas, against my better judgment, I went to visit my mom.

I can’t even explain the emotions that ran through me as I was at the front door.  I wanted to turn around and leave but that would just prolong the inevitable.

It wasn’t the best meeting.  It could have gone better if she didn’t fall back to old habits and start a fight with me.  Although I left not in good spirits, I did not leave crying and broken.  I knew I was much stronger than that and yes, it wasn’t the ideal scenario but at least I had taken the first step and gotten through it.

That’s what it’s really all about…taking baby steps.  Having hope.  Treading lightly.  Only going as far as you can handle or as it makes you comfortable.  For me, that was spending an hour with my estranged mother and I was ready to get out of there.  But at least I made an effort and it was a step in the right direction.  Maybe eventually I would get there, but that day was not the day.  Baby steps.  It is a journey after all…

Love

It’s Never Too Late…

Yesterday I witnessed love in the most beautiful form…the love of a parent.  Never-ending, guiding, protective love.  It is unique to each parent-child bond and sometimes, the simplest ways that parents express love goes unnoticed.  But the love is there.

My sister-in-law came into town to visit and she always stays at her parent’s house when she comes home.  She was planning to go out last night and this was the conversation between her dad (my father-in-law) and her:

DAD: “Oh you’re going out tonight?”

SIL: “Yep, just to watch a movie.”

DAD: “Are you coming home to sleep?”…with a little bit of panic and worry that an average person would never sense

SIL: “Of course.”

DAD: “Ok.”…with relief

My sister-in-law is 28 years old and a grown woman.  But she will ALWAYS be daddy’s little girl.  A father’s love never fades.  She may be grown and able to take care of herself but he will always worry about her and want to protect her.  It was a simple conversation that I was a witness to.  A normal conversation.  But there is such deeper meaning to the simple things sometimes.  He cares so much about his little girl and wants to protect her and he just needed peace of mind…that when she gets home, she will be safe under his roof.  I am lucky that I have gained such a loving father in my life.  He is an amazing man.

Sometimes I think that my own father must love me deep down, just as good fathers do.  I think that the generational gap and cultural barrier doesn’t allow him to show me or tell me that he cares that much.  But then I’m reminded of his hurtful words and actions…and I tell myself that he had many opportunities to see the wrong-doing in his “ways of showing love.”  Although I no longer speak to him because I was tired of getting hurt all the time, there is still a very small part of me that hopes and prays that he will show up one day.  Not literally show up outside my door (I would hate that) but that he will be my dad and act as a loving father would and try.  Being a dad isn’t about just being related by blood.  You have to act as a father would, be involved and care like dads do, and tell as well as show your kids how much you love them…everyday.

The truth of the matter is that it’s never too late.  It’s never too late to show that you care…to try to right the wrong…to show that you have changed…to try to win your daughter’s love back and show why you are deserving of re-entering my life…  It’s never too late to make new memories…to get to know my new family…to say things that you have never said in 30 years but had always thought and couldn’t find the words to say.  It’s never too late…until you’re gone forever.

empowerment

I Never Thought I Would Live To See 30…

The other day was the first time that I actually said aloud that I never planned for my life past 30 because I never thought I would live to see the day.  Whether it was due to natural causes or my own hand at it, I DID NOT and COULD NOT picture a life beyond my struggles at the time.  THAT IS SAD.  Because my life is amazing now.  And I can’t imagine not being here to live out this moment.  It is beautiful and surreal and I appreciate every little experience I have the chance to take in.  I have a great husband and we build our relationship everyday.  I have an active baby in my womb and I already know that he is absolutely perfect.  I am strong, confident, exuberant about life and the possibilities.  And I can’t believe how much I’ve grown from where I was to where I am now…it seems impossible.

I want to let others know that the hurt and pain, misery and sadness, is all temporary.  The thought that you cannot deal with it (whatever IT may be) or move on…ONE DAY YOU WILL.  No, you will never forget or erase it out of your memory but you can learn to look at it differently once you have acknowledged that IT did happen.  IT is in the past.  When you start feeling rage, anger, pain…LET IT ALL COME OUT.  Let the tears flow.  Live in that moment so you can grieve and leave it all out there so you can move on.  Let yourself heal and take your time with that.  If you try to move on when you’re not ready, you will not be breaking the cycle, only to revert back to it later and you definitely don’t want to do that.  No one can tell you that “you need to get over it already”…even if it’s been 3 decades.  Those outsiders who don’t get it are not you.  They don’t know the intensity that you’re feeling.  But know this…“This too shall pass” and that is the truth.

I know it’s hard to associate any kind of positivity during the healing process but somewhere, deep inside of you is a glimmer of hope that is stronger than you know.  There is a fighter in you.  One who will achieve amazing feats.  One who will look back and feel the exact same way as I feel now…that the possibilities are endless.

One of my favorite Radio personalities is Big Boy from Power 106.  He is not only hilarious, but he has a great outlook on life.  I love hearing his perspective and most of all, his positivity is infectious.  During a show, I heard him say something that stuck with me.

Never have a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Big Boy is absolutely right.  I know you may be thinking that it’s easier said than done, but I’m living proof of it and so are millions of others.

free-woman-arms-up-and-liberated

I don’t believe that I am a victim…or a survivor.  I believe that I am the definer of my own destiny.  I appreciate that I wasn’t handed everything on a silver platter.  I appreciate that my struggle has helped to mold me to be who I am today.  I no longer let it bring me down because I have dealt with it.  And that is important.  I no longer harbor anger or shame inside…I have evolved to seek a better life and my journey has led me to happiness.  True happiness.  Liberation from negativity and bad energy.  The realization that I am who I am today because of MY will-power and strength.  I have a lot of people to thank for that as well…for their love and support.  But instead of beating myself up as I tend to do, today I can say that I am proud of myself.  I know I did this.  And no one can take that away from me.

Inspiration

Walk on

Today I leave you with two quotes from Nelson Mandela that really resonate with me.

No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

I have walked that long road to freedom. I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way. But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come. But I can only rest for a moment, for with freedom come responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not ended.”

– Nelson Mandela –

It is a long journey so don’t stop.  Walk on…

domestic violence, empowerment, Inspiration, PTSD

Pulling Myself Out of a Deep, Dark Abyss

I remember as a child, I used to think that victims of domestic violence were homeless and poor with raggedy clothes and funky body odor because they literally were running away for their lives.  I had no idea that they came in the form of everyday people with what seemed to be a normal life.  People who would actually fake the funk.  Put on a front that they had the perfect life with the perfect family and perfect job.  Or they had to make everything appear to be perfect.  Isn’t it crazy that I did not fall apart until I was 27?  I was one of those people without even knowing it.  Somehow, I had suppressed my childhood in the back of my mind and was not truly living my life.

My whole world came crumbling down on that day.  I remember it clearly and can replay every second of my downward, dark spiral.  I was at work (a job I had had for almost 5 years) and I was having a breakdown.  I called my friends and they told me that I needed to go home.  I called my boss and for some reason, held back no discretion, and I straight up told him that I needed to go home because something was not right and I wanted to “kill myself”.  It was a bizarre, unwanted feeling.  Suicide had rolled off my lips in the past but I only contemplated it during two phases of my life.  I never had acted.  This time it came at me in full force and there was no running away.

Leave me alone

I went into the deepest, darkest, black abyss I had ever experienced and NO ONE COULD UNDERSTAND.  Only I felt it and I could not sit and listen to anyone nor cared to.  A person who once was the most caring individual, suddenly did not care for anyone or anything.  I couldn’t hear anything or pay attention to anything.  I WAS JUST GONE.  I didn’t want to see anyone or for them to see me.  I didn’t want to do anything but lay in bed in the dark in my pjs.  I guess I was just hoping I would never wake up.  Friends tried and I lost touch with my brother because of our differences in opinion.  No one could pull me back to reality.  Thank god they make you take these therapy sessions in order for you to stay out of work.  I hated them but they helped me.  Sort of.  Many therapy sessions, and a couple of misdiagnosed prescriptions later, I wasn’t miraculously healed.  I went through the worst inner struggle of my life.  Thoughts of what the purpose of my life was and it’s meaning.

depression

The whole time, I thought I was so stressed out at work that I had broken finally.  One 10-minute session with the MD…changed my life.  Within 5 minutes of talking to me and reading my file while she was writing my prescription, she told me I was suffering from PTSD.  I thought there was no way and she was delirious.  I told her “I haven’t been through a war or anything…how could I have PTSD?” Baffled, I went home…and upon thinking about it for hours and days, I realized that she was right.  All that time I had therapy and group sessions and they had no idea what was wrong with me…they said it was depression…and all it took this doctor was 5 minutes.  I knew it had to be something deeper.  And it explained so much.  Needless to say, I stopped going to therapy once I fulfilled my required amount.  I was no longer in denial.

Slowly and with caution, I started picking up the pieces now that I had an answer for why I was feeling the way I was.  It was as if I was reborn…as if I had shed my old skin and was born anew.  Baby skin.  Starting all over from scratch.  Rebuilding a new life with a different path for myself.  I realized how this epiphany would change my life forever.

The first phase was over and I faced it head on.  The next phase was about what I would do with this new-found awareness.  Would I get back into the same depressing cycle (which was my fear) or would I be able to move on?  Could I really leave all the trauma behind and live a life free of my past…the tormenting flashbacks…the negativity?  To my own amazement, the whole experience made me stronger.  I didn’t have therapists telling me what to do or how I should be able to move on.  I did it at my own pace and I truly believe that was what strengthened me mentally.  I did it because I WANTED TO and because I could do it on my own.  A sense of overwhelming empowerment had taken over and I had no idea what I was capable of.   And that is what continues to drive me.

I found love…and he is the one who helped me through my broken time of healing.   His love and support meant the world to me.  It’s true what they say…timing IS everything.  He came at a time when I needed the support the most and for him, I will always be truly grateful.

The happy, expectant parents

The happy, expectant parents

When I tell people a little about my past, most can’t imagine and I can tell they feel bad for me.  But I started talking about my past, not for pity, but to share the strength in my story…where I came from to where I am now.  I don’t feel bad for myself.  I appreciate my experience, as awful as it was, because it has helped mold me to be a better person.  I was able to tell wrong from right and I broke the cycle.

I will be raising my kids in a loving environment.  I used to say I would never bring kids into this ugly world, but I realized that we all can teach goodness and pay it forward by being an example.  My goal in life is to share the goodness and share my story so those currently suffering know that they too can get there eventually.  By no means is it easy, but it IS possible to move on.  I still think about things and cry at times, but I am no longer weak.  My tears are those in mourning of my past life.  I know who I am and what direction I am headed.  And it feels amazing.  I want to help everyone to feel this way…this positivity…this happiness.  Because that is what every single person deserves…a chance to live a full and happy life.

Introduction

Hello blog world…nice to meet you!

The hardest part is thinking of the first thing to say.  The icebreaker.  You don’t want to be unmemorable but you also don’t want to rub anyone the wrong way.

So I will take this moment to say a few things I may not have elaborated on in the ABOUT section so we can get better acquainted and I can “let you in”.

I love making people feel good about themselves.  For me, it comes from a genuine place.  It’s true what they say…beauty IS in the eye of the beholder.  You are your own worst critic, and that’s why I’m here!  You may see someone who has physical or personality flaws…but I tend to see the vulnerability in everyone (myself included) and I love that part.  It’s what makes us all unique and allows us to call ourselves INDIVIDUALS.  There is not a single person who is exactly like you…or him…or her…or me.

I have come to embrace my “flaws” and those that I could change — such as bad habits or things I was previously unaware of — I worked on.  Those things that I could not change — such as physical traits of birth marks, freckles, etc — I have come to accept and love because it’s just a part of me.  Those weren’t really flaws at all but my insecurities in my former life led me to believe so.

Somewhere along the lines in my journey of growth, something clicked in this noggin (which is a whole other topic I’ll have to get into later) and I decided to break the cycle.  Hence the name nvokechange.  🙂  It’s in us all…the ability to “snap out of it” if we allow it.  As hard as it is to leave the routine behind, it’s the easy way out.  It’s like an addiction…habitual, comforting, with immediate feel-good results that are short-lived.  But what if we tried a little bit harder and found a new view on the same old thing — an awakening, a new perspective, a different outlook on life?  I can tell you that it’s life changing and empowering…and I could not be happier.  I am grateful everyday for this life.

Through this blog, I hope to be able to share stories with you that have touched my life and molded me to be who I am today.  My goal is to reach those who are struggling currently with the same things that I struggled with in the past and let those individuals know that I can empathize and I have been in those shoes.  Trust me, nothing is permanent or for certain.  My past doesn’t define me.  My life experiences are what truly define me, who I have become, and who I hope to continue to embody.  It’s what I make of myself and how I react that matters.