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Inspiration

Daily Reminders, Inspiration

Daily Reminders to Myself

We lose touch so easily.  There’s always so much going on.  That one conversation, text, email, intent to hang out…gets pushed further and further back.  Priorities get shifted and the span between you and your friend, has now become quite a distance.  Maintaining our relationships takes a lot of effort but it’s worthwhile.  Don’t let your relationships fade.  That bond is hard to get back.

We lose track of time so easily.  One day turns into weeks that turns into a couple of months and suddenly…a year has gone by.  Time flies!  We all know that.  Our time is extremely valuable.  So we must make the most of it.  Carpe Diem right?  Don’t let the lack of time be your excuse.  Make the time!

We lose opportunities so easily.  There are open doors all around us.  Everywhere.  It’s not just when one door closes, another door opens.  Our short-sightedness doesn’t allow us to see all the open doors and golden opportunities.  So take a look around.  Push a little harder on that door…maybe it’s ajar…it could just be a stubborn door.  Don’t lose sight of the present.  That life-changing opportunity might be right in front of you.

We lose too much too easily.  On a day to day basis.  And we lose a part of ourselves during the process.  Not everyday is a good day but as long as you’re having more good days than bad, you are doing okay.  If you aren’t there yet, no worries…you will get there when the time is right.  Don’t let your current circumstance define what your future holds.  It’s just a phase.  Hold on and be strong.  It can last a long time but it’s something that, once you rise above it, will fuel you for the rest of your life.

These are words I always have to remind myself of.  Daily.  I need to make the effort to nurture my relationships.  I need to make the time.  I need to stay in the present moment.  I remind myself that circumstances do change.  If I didn’t go through my own rough period, my life would not be the same.  That empowerment came from rising from my struggles.  I am grateful for this life.  Everyday.

—-

This post is dedicated to my old friend Chris.  He had a contagious smile and a good heart.  His authenticity will forever stay in my heart.  You will be missed and never forgotten.  R.I.P Chris

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  -Maya Angelou

R.I.P Maya Angelou

 

photo credit: By Dustin Scarpitti

Child Abuse, domestic violence

I loved you anyways…

When I was little,  all I wanted was love and affection

From my family…from you…

I wanted you to play and laugh with me and read me stories

And though I never got that, I loved you anyways

 

You told me you didn’t want me because I was a girl

You already had a son but you wanted SO BADLY for me to be a boy

You left me on the street corner hoping someone would take me

But no matter what…I loved you anyways

 

You held me at the top of the stairs and told me you would drop me

You left me with scars; physical, mental and emotional

You traumatized me more than you ever realized

And still…somehow…I managed to love you anyways

 

You never told me you were proud of me

Nothing I ever did was good enough

You could never even mutter the words ‘I love you’

But I continued to love you anyways

 

You told me that I wasn’t really part of the family

Because one day, I would change my last name

So you made me feel like I did not belong

And yet…I loved you anyways

 

I called you to tell you I was engaged

You could not even be happy for me

“Have a nice life and tell your kids that their grandparents are dead”

I could no longer love you

 

Now you are getting older but definitely not wiser

You are missing out on the beautiful evolution of life

The simple pleasures of watching your kid’s kid grow up

You don’t deserve to experience the joyful bliss and happiness he brings

 

But I am not you

I would never take things away from you

Or say such hurtful words

And so…love lingers

 

——

Writing these blogs continuously help me to heal.  This one specifically moved me to tears and I let the emotion attached to these words release.  It’s a pretty powerful and liberating feeling.

If you are holding on to something from the past, you should try to find a peaceful way to let go and leave it all out there…where it belongs.  Out with the old and in with the new! Don’t look back!

So tell me…what outlet do you use to move on from the hurt?

empowerment, Inspiration

My Journey Continues…

It’s been such a long time since I’ve written.  But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about ways of using my blog to help others.  The last couple of months of my pregnancy had made it difficult for me to find time to sit down and write…or do much of anything to be quite honest.  (Just as the first trimester did, the third trimester wiped me out!)  Then I had my beautiful baby boy…so there was absolutely no free time, as I wanted to bond with this amazing bundle of joy.

Now that I am back to work and getting into more of a normal routine, I want to put pen to paper and continue what I set out to do.  In fact, I had what was undoubtedly a big sign, that my journey of helping others was not yet over.

I had taken 3 months of maternity leave upon having Baby Brandon.  Since I was returning to work the following week, my husband and I wanted to go out to lunch with our son for a “last horrah” before I had to be away from Brandon for most of the day.  If you’re a parent or a pet owner, you know how difficult it is to be away from your loved one for so long.  I commute to work between 3-4 hours a day roundtrip (due to LA traffic) so I would be gone from 7am to 7:30pm.  🙁

While I was waiting inside the restaurant to be seated, I noticed a young lady who walked in to give her name to the hostess. There was nothing about her that set her apart from the others in the crowd, but I could read it in her face.  There was some sort of aura that connected with me and seemed familiar.  But she didn’t look familiar so I dismissed it because I thought maybe I was crazy with all these pregnancy-related emotions.

Well the wait at this restaurant was too long so we decided to try a different place.  My husband went to the car to get the stroller and I waited outside briefly.

You know when you’re in a public place and you’re so close to the person next to you that you can’t avoid overhearing what they are talking about?  I was trying not to eavesdrop in on the conversation going on next to me but I could hear everything whether I wanted to or not.

Two female voices were speaking and one of the girls was telling the other about how difficult it was to wake up every morning…to want to do anything…how hard it was to even roll out of bed and be there, at a restaurant that day…that she was still depressed and not ok.  She was stuck feeling this lethargic feeling and she couldn’t pull herself out of it…that nothing anyone did could help her…

As my husband brought the stroller and we loaded up Brandon, I looked up at the girls and realized that it was the familiarly unfamiliar young lady who was having this conversation.  I had chills…it was a sign…definitely not coincidence.  I was meant to hear that conversation.

I wanted to talk to her and tell her I knew her pain and I had been there…I wanted to hear her story and see if there was something she wanted to ask to someone who had been through some “wreckage” and now led a complete 180 lifestyle…a life in which happily ever after did exist.  I wanted to tell her it would be ok, that it was temporary and that she was stronger than she thought…that her journey had just begun.  But I didn’t want to be that creepy person.  It was not my place to chime in.

And so my journey continues…I have a lot going on in my life.  But so do millions of others.  That incident was a moment of clarity for me.  It revitalized my drive to continue my blog in pursuit of helping others find their happily ever after.  It’s not enough for me to be happy.  I want this for everyone because if they felt as empowered, whole, and truly happy as I do, I believe the world would be a better place.  My mission has a purpose and  if sharing my experiences and thoughts might help at least one individual who has lost their way, then I know I have put my best out there.

I want to be able to answer any questions or give insight to those who truly are struggling.  So tell me…what’s on your mind?  How can I help YOU?  Questions?  Concerns?   Please comment here or email me directly at nvokechangenow (at) gmail (dot) com.

empowerment

I Never Thought I Would Live To See 30…

The other day was the first time that I actually said aloud that I never planned for my life past 30 because I never thought I would live to see the day.  Whether it was due to natural causes or my own hand at it, I DID NOT and COULD NOT picture a life beyond my struggles at the time.  THAT IS SAD.  Because my life is amazing now.  And I can’t imagine not being here to live out this moment.  It is beautiful and surreal and I appreciate every little experience I have the chance to take in.  I have a great husband and we build our relationship everyday.  I have an active baby in my womb and I already know that he is absolutely perfect.  I am strong, confident, exuberant about life and the possibilities.  And I can’t believe how much I’ve grown from where I was to where I am now…it seems impossible.

I want to let others know that the hurt and pain, misery and sadness, is all temporary.  The thought that you cannot deal with it (whatever IT may be) or move on…ONE DAY YOU WILL.  No, you will never forget or erase it out of your memory but you can learn to look at it differently once you have acknowledged that IT did happen.  IT is in the past.  When you start feeling rage, anger, pain…LET IT ALL COME OUT.  Let the tears flow.  Live in that moment so you can grieve and leave it all out there so you can move on.  Let yourself heal and take your time with that.  If you try to move on when you’re not ready, you will not be breaking the cycle, only to revert back to it later and you definitely don’t want to do that.  No one can tell you that “you need to get over it already”…even if it’s been 3 decades.  Those outsiders who don’t get it are not you.  They don’t know the intensity that you’re feeling.  But know this…“This too shall pass” and that is the truth.

I know it’s hard to associate any kind of positivity during the healing process but somewhere, deep inside of you is a glimmer of hope that is stronger than you know.  There is a fighter in you.  One who will achieve amazing feats.  One who will look back and feel the exact same way as I feel now…that the possibilities are endless.

One of my favorite Radio personalities is Big Boy from Power 106.  He is not only hilarious, but he has a great outlook on life.  I love hearing his perspective and most of all, his positivity is infectious.  During a show, I heard him say something that stuck with me.

Never have a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Big Boy is absolutely right.  I know you may be thinking that it’s easier said than done, but I’m living proof of it and so are millions of others.

free-woman-arms-up-and-liberated

I don’t believe that I am a victim…or a survivor.  I believe that I am the definer of my own destiny.  I appreciate that I wasn’t handed everything on a silver platter.  I appreciate that my struggle has helped to mold me to be who I am today.  I no longer let it bring me down because I have dealt with it.  And that is important.  I no longer harbor anger or shame inside…I have evolved to seek a better life and my journey has led me to happiness.  True happiness.  Liberation from negativity and bad energy.  The realization that I am who I am today because of MY will-power and strength.  I have a lot of people to thank for that as well…for their love and support.  But instead of beating myself up as I tend to do, today I can say that I am proud of myself.  I know I did this.  And no one can take that away from me.

Inspiration

Walk on

Today I leave you with two quotes from Nelson Mandela that really resonate with me.

No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

I have walked that long road to freedom. I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way. But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come. But I can only rest for a moment, for with freedom come responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not ended.”

– Nelson Mandela –

It is a long journey so don’t stop.  Walk on…

Introduction

Hello blog world…nice to meet you!

The hardest part is thinking of the first thing to say.  The icebreaker.  You don’t want to be unmemorable but you also don’t want to rub anyone the wrong way.

So I will take this moment to say a few things I may not have elaborated on in the ABOUT section so we can get better acquainted and I can “let you in”.

I love making people feel good about themselves.  For me, it comes from a genuine place.  It’s true what they say…beauty IS in the eye of the beholder.  You are your own worst critic, and that’s why I’m here!  You may see someone who has physical or personality flaws…but I tend to see the vulnerability in everyone (myself included) and I love that part.  It’s what makes us all unique and allows us to call ourselves INDIVIDUALS.  There is not a single person who is exactly like you…or him…or her…or me.

I have come to embrace my “flaws” and those that I could change — such as bad habits or things I was previously unaware of — I worked on.  Those things that I could not change — such as physical traits of birth marks, freckles, etc — I have come to accept and love because it’s just a part of me.  Those weren’t really flaws at all but my insecurities in my former life led me to believe so.

Somewhere along the lines in my journey of growth, something clicked in this noggin (which is a whole other topic I’ll have to get into later) and I decided to break the cycle.  Hence the name nvokechange.  🙂  It’s in us all…the ability to “snap out of it” if we allow it.  As hard as it is to leave the routine behind, it’s the easy way out.  It’s like an addiction…habitual, comforting, with immediate feel-good results that are short-lived.  But what if we tried a little bit harder and found a new view on the same old thing — an awakening, a new perspective, a different outlook on life?  I can tell you that it’s life changing and empowering…and I could not be happier.  I am grateful everyday for this life.

Through this blog, I hope to be able to share stories with you that have touched my life and molded me to be who I am today.  My goal is to reach those who are struggling currently with the same things that I struggled with in the past and let those individuals know that I can empathize and I have been in those shoes.  Trust me, nothing is permanent or for certain.  My past doesn’t define me.  My life experiences are what truly define me, who I have become, and who I hope to continue to embody.  It’s what I make of myself and how I react that matters.